Yesterday, our
pastor's wife, shared a wonderful testimony on how much of a blessing her time
alone with God has been for her. Her encouragement to make that time priority
was also conviction for me. I haven't been making that time a priority lately
and it shows. It shows in how the fruits of the spirit are displayed in my
life. It shows in my interactions with my family and others. It shows in how I
handle circumstances in my life. So for me, to hear her talk about this
particular subject, was God's way of giving me a kick in the pants.
That brings me to
this morning. My chance to start afresh! By the way, I have started over many,
many, times in my life. I can't count how many times I have tried to have a
consistent study life, only for it to fall by the wayside after a few days.
Honestly, I am not even sure how this fresh start will go. But I am going to go
for it anyway. Even if I don't necessarily want to or feel like doing it. Time
with God is a MUST! No matter how many times I fail, God still wants to have
those moments with me.
In preparation for
my study this morning, I grabbed my study bible, a journal, colored pencils and
some coffee. I had the essentials. This should be easy right? Wrong! Within a
few short minutes, anxiety had set in. I was lost as to what to study and where
to start. I wrote in my journal:
"I
don't know what to study…".
After minutes of
sitting there, it finally came to me on what to study. I had tried
unsuccessfully to study Romans previously and I felt led to try again. I
continued writing in my journal:
"OK,
so I think I will go back to Romans. I really wish I had someone to go through
this book with. I am too nervous to ask someone. Accountability seems scary! It
seems like a lot of pressure. But it's important and it's needed. I am a really shy person
so it's very hard to reach out and ask. Like, I am really fearful at this
moment-- to the point of tears. So that probably means I need to just reach
out."
It was at this point
that I just broke down in tears. I called my husband downstairs to share with
him what I was feeling. He gave me some encouragement and practical advice and
prayed for me. (I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a spouse that is
willing to cover you in prayer!)
Fear was setting in.
I was fearful of failing again. Fearful of not doing it right. Fearful of
reaching out to others. Fear of being alone in this walk. But I decided I was not going to let fear get
in the way of my time with God. My desire to
know God is greater than fear!
So I prayed and
began to read Romans. And God began speaking to me through His word. Reading
the scriptures stirred up so many emotions in me. So much so, that I drew a
chart of emojis describing the whole emotional process lol.
 |
| I am no artist by any means. I just love emojis. 😄 |
The bottom line is this. Personal time in God's word is NECESSARY on your journey with Christ. It's how
we get to know Him and His character. It’s how we discover our identity in Him.
It is a time where we can share our heart with God. It's where we can be reminded of his
promises. Let's make Him a priority!
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